In the modern world, we are increasingly told to ‘love yourself.’ But often, this is something easier said than done. Developing a sense of self-worth and self-love takes time, energy and support.

What is self-worth?

Psychologist Christina Hibbert explains that self-worth is different to self-esteem. According to Dr Hibbert, self-esteem is something we gain from our external world, and how we feel we present ourselves to the world. Self-worth is deeper and is an assessment of who we really are, deep down. It is defined in Merriam-Webster as “a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect.” Psychologists often describe self-worth as a result of feelings of success in activities that we value, whether that be work-based, leisure-based or a combination of various achievements. 

What happens when we lack self-worth?

When we don’t value ourselves and our contributions to the world, we often become increasingly critical of ourselves. This can lead to undervaluing our achievements and losing our sense of self-esteem. These negative feelings can even lead to feelings of worthlessness, depression, anxiety, anger, or guilt. Furthermore, these negative feelings can reduce motivation to continue achieving in valued fields, which can further reduce self-worth, setting up a vicious cycle. 

What are the signs of low self-worth?

People who feel low self-worth often rely on the outside world to tell them they are valued. This is often seen when people try desperately to please others around them, even if it means neglecting their own wants and needs or putting their goals aside. Low self-worth can even lead to other people treating you poorly, and having you think it’s your own fault. It is also very common for people with low self-worth to feel undeserving of praise for good work or even love from others. Sometimes, we even lose a bit of our sense of self when we lose our self-worth, and often don’t feel quite like ourselves. This can even mean acting in ways or saying things we wouldn’t normally say or do. Without self-worth, people can even stop taking proper care of themselves and neglect their own needs. For example, someone with poor self-worth may stop considering their health a priority, and stop exercising and caring about nutrition. Sometimes, people ‘tap out’ completely, and stop showering regularly, or stop caring about their appearance. A loss of self-worth can also prevent people from striving to better themselves. It might mean not applying for a job because you don’t feel smart enough for it, or staying in a toxic relationship because you don’t think you could do any better.

How do I improve my self-worth?

Improving self-worth and self-esteem isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes time and effort to rebuild a sense of self-worth. The first step is recognising when we are becoming too self-critical. During these times, try to step back, and remind yourself that negative thoughts are often reactionary, and rarely represent the truth of the matter. The negative-thought cycle is something that we learn over time, and is something that can also be unlearned over time. When the mind turns to negative thoughts, try to think of some positive attributes about yourself. While repeating to yourself the things you like about yourself might seem strange at first, over time it reinforces self-worth and quietens negative thoughts. Give yourself a break from social media – we often compare our lives to picture-perfect lives seen on Instagram, without realising many of them are staged. Take time to consider what your strengths are, and what you’re good at doing, and focus on activities that encompass using those abilities. Make self-care a priority once again, and ensure you are exercising enough, eating well, and sleeping enough – these simple acts can make a world of difference. According to David Simonsen, doing voluntary or charity work that we can be proud of can build our own sense of self-worth. Sometimes we hold onto regrets or grudges, and these can have negative impacts on self-worth. Try to be more forgiving to yourself or others, and you may just feel your own self-worth improve. And finally, remember that everybody has difficult circumstances at times. These circumstances don’t define us, but rather, it is the way that we navigate through difficult situations that we should be focusing our attention on.

The impact of childhood abuse on self-worth

If a child experiences emotional, physical or sexual abuse self-worth may not develop. Children need to be taught their intrinsic worth by loving role models. Children need warmth, safety and stability so that they can explore their world and develop a sense of identity, purpose and connection. Childhood trauma can manifest in a range of deep-seated dysfunctional behaviours, thoughts and feelings which result in a poor sense of self-worth; often feelings of shame, self-hate and hopelessness can take over. If you have had childhood abuse you may need support from a trained Psychologist to safely confront these issues. You can rewire your brain and relearn how to be in this world as a confident adult. No child should experience abuse YOU deserve safety, love, and respect.

Contact Alana Roy for more information.