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Parents Guide to Childs Anger Management
Children often act out, unaware of how to manage all the emotions they are feeling in the present moment. Dealing with emotions is huge part of a child’s development and something that can be modeled and or encouraged by parents for positive outcomes. Children are sponges and soak up everything their parents do. By modeling appropriate behaviour in front of you children, they will learn how to deal with their emotions appropriately. See below for tips on how to manage a child’s anger.
1. Keep calm in the face of anger:
How you cope, they will learn from. If you yell, get frustrated, swear or become abusive, your child will model these same behaviours as this is what they have been shown. Remaining calm is a healthy way to show your child how to relax in a frustrating circumstance. If your child becomes angry and starts to yell, it is recommended that you reinstate how the child is feeling and then ask what it is that is making them upset. For example “I can see you are angry right now, how about we take a deep breath and then you can tell me what it is that is making you angry”.
2. Recognise the triggers and reactions:
Explain to your child that some things will trigger us to make us upset. By making your child become consciously aware of their triggers and their reactions i.e voice gets stern and raised, heart starts to pound, the feeling of heat in their face etc., you can start to point it out when the situation arises. The earlier the child can recognise their reactions, the quicker they will be at calming themselves down and eventually they will become more emotionally aware and be able to regulate these behaviours.
3. Communicating feelings:
Talk to your child about feelings and emotions and how they can effect how we think, feel and behave. Most children get frustrated when they don’t understand or know how to express their emotions. Creating a poster with different pictures of emotions, explaining what they mean and asking your child during a stressful time to show you how they are feeling on the poster, could make a difference to the outcome. By being able to properly express their emotions may help to calm them down and for you both to understand their triggers.
4. Messages to themselves:
Suggest to your child to use a few phrases when they feel they are getting upset. Positive sentences such as “take a deep breath”, “I’m in control”, “I am ok” are good for children to say to themselves. Let them choose a few phrases that they feel good about and get them to repeat them during times when they are starting to feel out of control.
5. Deep breathing:
Teach your child how to take deep breaths to help calm themselve’s down. Sitting in a quiet space in a comfortable position, get them to close their eyes and concentrate on their breath, breathing in and out slowly and counting as they go. Allowing some time to do this can help reduce the heart rate and lower adrenaline. Deep, slow breaths will become very calming for your child and is a powerful technique for relaxing their mind and the body. Also getting them to picture a calming location such as a beach or garden mat help as well.
6. Positive Praise:
Try to positive praise your child once a day for their good behaviours. This will help them to develop their own self-esteem and make them feel good about what they have done. Sentences such as “I appreciate you making your bed without me telling you” or “you were very patient today in the supermarket even though you wanted to go home to play”, tells the child what behavoiurs are appropriate and that you have taken notice of their feelings and actions.
7. Outlets:
Having an outside environment where your child can be physical will help your child to release their energy and avoid frustrating situations. Whether it be at home, school or a hobby they are constantly exposed too.
8. Understand their triggers:
If you are aware of your childs triggers, it is important to be respectful and understanding. For example, if your child is not a morning person, give them their space to get ready without telling them to do this and that. Allow them to come to you first.
9. Strengths and weaknesses:
Listen to your child, praise their positives and discuss their weaknesses as not being negative, but something to work on i.e. “if you do a little bit of extra study, you may get a better mark in maths class”. Working on their weaknesses teaches them to not look at them as shameful, rather as things that may take a little extra time and effort to improve.
10. Expressive writing:
Sometime your child may not want to always talk about their feelings. By giving them a locked diary, this allows them to express their emotions on paper, in their own private way. This may help them to make sense of what is going on in their head and also help to release their frustrations.