Photo credit: Julien Haler
Unhelpful Thinking Styles & Helpful Alternatives
Thinking Style: All or nothing thinking: the idea there is only one way of looking at things i.e. ‘If I don’t get the job I’m a failure’
Try: to think outside the box, not everything is black and white -‘If I don’t get the job, there will be something better out there waiting for me’.
Thinking Style: Labeling ourselves and others: thinking that everyone, including ourselves should be labeled i.e. She is stupid, I’m an idiot, They are annoying
Try: not to always put a label on everyone and everything. People make mistakes, but it does not define them. Find a positive alternative ‘I get angry at the behavior, their actions, not them as a person”
Thinking Style: Forgetting the positive: excluding positive actions or moments i.e. ‘They were just being nice, they didn’t mean it’
Try: Think and say something positive about yourself. Doing this every morning before you get out of bed will start your day off on a positive note. Do this at the end of the night, reflect on something good before you go to sleep.
Thinking Style: Taking the blame for everything: Believing everything that goes wrong was your fault i.e. ‘If I didn’t say this, then that wouldn’t have happened…’
There are a million reasons why something could happen, not everything is your fault. Try: Acknowledging, “I have a lot to deal with at the moment. Blaming myself will only leave me feeling stuck; I’m going to take responsibility and take action instead!
Thinking Style: Irrational Emotions: Believing that if you feel a certain way, you must be that way i.e. ‘I feel anxious that means I wont be able to cope today”
Emotions are feelings we are experiencing that do not define us. Try: “I have felt anxious before and I managed to cope, I will get thru today”. “No emotion last forever, this will pass”.
Thinking Style: Generalizations: Believing that ever person, thing or event can be generalised i.e. ‘Everybody hates me’ or ‘Bad things always happen to me” and “No one understands me”
Open your mind to possibilities Try: “ I am using negative language again, I need to look for the exceptions”.
Thinking Style: Jumping to conclusions: Irrationally believing something even if it doesn’t make sense i.e. ‘’I struggle with socializing, so that means I will struggle at work and with life”
Irrational thinking only leads to negative feelings. Try: “ Although I do struggle with different things, I need to take each day as it comes. I’m going to focus on the things I can control, the things I can do for myself today”.
Thinking Style: Maximizing and/or minimalizing situations: Exacerbating situations to make them seem worse or downplaying important information i.e.
See the situation for what it is and speak the truth. Try: “ This feels really big, but I’m going to take a deep breath, distract myself for a bit and come back to this issue when I have calmed down”. “These issues and themes keep happening, it’s time to face the challenge and stop ignoring things”
Thinking Style: Mental Block: Always seeing the negative in situations i.e. ‘I was never good at that’
Using critical words: Constantly using ‘should’, ‘have to’, ‘must’ etc. can put extra pressure on ourselves and raise expectations i.e. ‘I’m not good at that, so there is not point trying” or “ I should have known better”.
Give yourself and others a break – take the expectation away and you will feel less pressure. Try: “I am doing the best I can, I am not there yet, but I will keep trying”. “ I am not perfect, no one is; it’s better to try and learn from my challenges that to let opportunities pass me by”.